The Akatsuki's Halloween
by LostProcess
Summary: Oh no, it's not Halloween anymore....Here you go anyway. Crackfic.


Stupid plot vampires. They always choose to suck my blood at the worst moments...you perverts I did not mean it that way!! What? You didn't even think of that until I said that? Huh....still, that gives you no right to—**Just give it up, it's useless** ...Alright...

Anyway, the plot vampires told me I have to do an Akatsuki Halloween fic, so I am here to do what I must do!

...Just remember, I'm a good boy—so pay no attention to the fact that I don't own myself.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"Pein!! What have I told you about going through my underwear?!?!?!?" Oh God no, Konan had caught Pein again, the entire rest of the Akatsuki thought. Sounds of someone being throttled to death filtered out into the lair dining room, making Hidan grin.

"I wonder if she's using the technique I taught her" Hidan nearly shouted, barely concealing his glee.

"And that would be?" Came half of Zetsu." **No, do not tell us, we do not wish to hear your disgusting ideas**." Came the other half.

"I wonder if she'll blow him up?"

" She should make a puppet out of him."

"Ahh, who cares anyway?"

"I wonder how much hatred Sasuke has?..."

"...Tobi's a good boy!"

"She should eat him." everyone turned at the sound of this new voice, startled out of their own revelations. Standing at the entrance of the lair was none other than Orochimaru. Kakuzu stared in wild disbelief at the man, wondering just how much this copyright infringement was going to cost him. While Kakuzu thought of that though, he realized something else.

"Why the fuck did I not get a part in the whole thinking process earlier?!?! If I'm going to pay for an infringement I might as well be part of it...Damn, acting in character is just going to cost me more—I need to go speak to the writer." With that he shuffled passed Orochimaru, completely ignoring the blank stares he was getting.

Kakuzu continued to walk through the Akatsuki lair, taking each molding staircase downward into their dank dungeon—a word which here means moist and filled with rust. He opened cell number three and choked the person sitting at the desk in there, strangling the life...slowly...out...of...the...author....

...

...I'm still alive, he mugged me, but I'm still alive. Wait a minute, where the hell is my allowance? Damn you Kakuzu!!--"What did you say?" Oh, you're still here, hehe...~runs out of the lair~ I'm safe out here, HAHA!!

VVVV Meanwhile, back with Tobi and co. VVVV

Kisame glared at the man who raped his now lover. His eyes were watering with the strain of keeping them open for so long...~giggle~

"Why did you come here?" Kisame snorted. Orochimaru merely licked his lips, and as we all know, he doesn't merely lick his lips. Spit dribbled down his face as, suddenly, Kabuto appeared to wipe it up. Sasori's eyes widened as this happened, strangely filling with...jealousy?

"Oh, I'm just here to tell you all the good news." At that moment however, Konan re-entered the room, dragging a half-dead Pein behind her. Oh the irony.

" And what would that be?" Even her voice was enough to send you cowering. There was silence for a minute. "I don't have all fucking day so **tell me before I kill you**."

" Alright. Tomorrow is Halloween. Now, I've already got my outfit( he pointed to what he was already wearing), I suggest that you get yours."

"What the Jashin does you having an outfit have to do with us?"

"That's simple, there's going to be a costume contest, and I intend to win." Orochimaru stuck out his tongue proudly.

"Fine, " Konan shrieked. " you win, now get the hell away from our lair!"

His feelings hurt, Orochimaru left the lair.

VVVV Meanwhile, outside the lair VVVV

Hmmm... I wonder what those guys are doing. If I'm not there to write for them, they could go crazy. I mean, you do not want to get Orochimaru and Hidan alone in a room together....or would you? ~smiles evilly~

At that moment Orochimaru stalked out of the air, dragging a still-licking-up-drool Kabuto with him.

'Hey Orochimaru!'

"Why hello young author. Tell me do you want power?"

~eyes are shining~ 'Yes, yes I do!'

" Then come to my penthouse at the Sound Hotel tomorrow at ten."

'Ok! I'll be sure to be there!'

~Finds Orochimaru looking at my frame~ " And author--"

'Yes?'

" Come naked" That's the last thing he said before he poofed away.

'Yes!' ~giggles to himself~ 'Now I can prove that Orochimaru is a pedophile!'

VVVV Meanwhile back with Tobi VVVV

"Ok everyone! Tobi has thought up an outfit for everyone!!

"Joy." Kisame sighed.

"Alright! Deidara is the burning man from burning man--" A silent yes could be heard. "Sasori is a dollar bill." what the fuck? was whispered softly. " Please, no more interruptions. Now, Konan is a fire hydrant, Kisame is a dinner plate, Itachi is a pair of glasses, Hidan is a scarecrow, Pein is a ghost, Zetsu is two-face, Kakuzu is a bank, and Tobi will be a vampire!!" Tobi raised up his arms and imitated claws to prove he was going to be a vampire.

"Fuck."

"Shit."

"Hell no."

"Bastard."

"Holy Jashin."

"Usuratonkachi."

"I saw that one coming."

"My apprentice is so perceptive! **What are you talking about he's an idiot.**"

And finally: "Yes, now people will have to give their money to me!"

VVVV The following day VVVV

"I can't believe he talked us into this," Kisame said.

"Me neither." Came a rather odd pair of spectacles.

No one said anything else.

They were all staring at the calendar on the living room wall of the Akatsuki lair.

"Tobi," Pein asked, "did you know it's the third?"

"Of what?"

"...Of November."

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Time passes so quickly. One minute you're writing a Halloween fic, the next thing you know it's third.

Oh well, guess we can never prove that Orochimaru really is a pedophile....It' such a shame too. After spending so much time with Sasuke, you'd think he'd let down his guard for _one _minute. Can't be helped though.


End file.
